she woke up with a sticky ear
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
