Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
