I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
