Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
