stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
