woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
