Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
