I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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