I wish my penis had an off switch
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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