i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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