we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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