Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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