i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
