I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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