I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
