Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
