Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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