WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
