made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
