I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
