nut hugger
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
