I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
