I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
