You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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