he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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