My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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