I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
