Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
my liver is dry heaving
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
