Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
