the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
