When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
