Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
