i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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