tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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