Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
