I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
