Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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