Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
