he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
