whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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