He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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