were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
