maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
