come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My pussy is not your playground.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
