When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
