ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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