make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
