She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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