sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
