Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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