So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
