I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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