I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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