I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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