Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
