I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
