your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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