so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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