Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
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