Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
