Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize