He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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