I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
