I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
