Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Two words: blizzard sex
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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