Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
