I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
